Men Take Divorce Harder than Women

Divorced or separated men were six times more likely to have depression as married men according to a 10-year study by Statistics Canada.

Women, on the other hand were only 3.5 times more likely to be depressed after a marital break-up than were their counterparts who were still in a relationship, according to the study.

"Men appear to take the separation harder, "the report concluded.

The study found that both men and women had higher odds for depression in the two years following the end of a marriage or common-law relationship, when compared with people who stayed with their spouses.

How long does the sadness last? Most people who experienced depression in the post-relationship period were no longer depressed four years after the break-up.

Chicago Divorce Attorney Reviews Fathers' Rights Book

“Thus, it was with a smirk that I picked up the book titled Father’s Rights by James J. Gross. I intended to flip through it, roll my eyes and pity the poor father who would take such a BS book seriously.”

That's from Chicago divorce lawyer, Marie Fahnert, at JustDivorceBlog.Com.

But, after reading the book, she says in her three part review, “To my surprise the book is very good!”

Moms in Charge of Disclipline and Dads in Charge of Playtime?

Nearly half of the mothers questioned in a poll in England said that dads were no longer in charge of discipline at home and focus on playtime instead, as reported by Sophie Mansell in the Sun today.

“As women have become stronger and more independent they’ve ended up doing everything – bringing up the kids and working – while fathers have lost their way a bit,” according to psychologist Donna Dawson. “Dads often get home late and are more likely the ones to play with the children. But dads have a positive role to play in parenting and teaching children -- manners should be about teamwork.”

I don’t know about your house, but this doesn’t ring true for me. I think if they polled the dads they would find that a lot of dads are still participating in disciplining the children and teaching them manners and not only in charge of playtime. The article does have some tips for disciplining children, and teaching them manners, which are as helpful to us dads as those English mums they polled.

4 Strategy Tips for Your Child Custody Battle

Sometimes in a child custody battle, a client will ask me, “What’s your strategy for my case?” I have to think about this for a while because frequently I do things by intuition. That’s because through experience I know what has worked and what has not worked in prior cases. So here are some strategy tips for child custody battles.

1. Get the Facts First. Most clients are not lawyers. They are scattered and harried by their case. That means you have to get them to settle down and give you the facts. Then you have to check the facts because they give them to you only through their own filters. Finally you have to organize the facts.

2. Develop a Theory of the Case. Boil it down to one sentence that the client agrees with and can carry as a big flashing neon sign in the back of their head. This will inform their testimony at deposition and trial and help the lawyer present their story to the court. It will also help you separate the good facts, the ones that support your theory, from the bad facts, the ones that support the other side’s theory.

3. Be Constructive. Don’t make the theory of the case that the other party is the bad parent and you are the good parent. Keep the focus on the children, not the other parent. Play up your positives instead of the other parent’s negatives. Instead of, “Mom never helps little Johnny with his homework” say, “I am more consistent in helping little Johnny with his homework.”

4. You Can’t Fight City Hall. The Family Court System may be terrible, but we are not going to change it overnight for your case. Accept it the way it is. It is never going to be the way it should be. That means I can’t get the Judge to disqualify herself, I can’t get the Custody Evaluator or the Guardian Ad Litem replaced, so you are going to have to get these people on your side. If that means you have to get your own therapist or acting coach to tell you how to do it, then that is what you have to do.

Child custody battles are the worst kind of litigation. The stakes are high. Who wants to lose their kids. And emotions run wild. Stay calm, focus on these strategy tips, and you will successfully navigate your child custody battle.

When She Wants to Leave and Take the Kids

If your partner threatens to leave and take the children, let her know that she can go, but the children are staying. She does not have the right to remove the children from the family home.

If she takes the children anyway, you can bring them back. If she leaves and takes the children, you have the right to know where they are. You can ask the court to order her to return the children.

Until and unless a court orders otherwise, you have joint legal and physical custody of your children with your spouse under the common law. Anything less than this takes rights away from you. Many fathers opt for less than joint custody, and in some cases, joint custody may not be in the best interests of the children. But you have the right, if you wish to exercise it, to insist on joint custody from the outset. In cases where the mother is an unfit parent, you can ask the court to award you sole custody.

If the mother denies access to the children, you can ask the court to order it. You are entitled to half of the time with your children if you want it. There is nothing in the law that says you are an incompetent parent because you are a father. There is nothing that says the mother can be a better parent than you.

The court will tend to keep the status quo, or existing situation, by leaving the children where they are. This is to avoid any more disruption in their lives than the divorce of their parents is already causing. That is why it is important that you set the precedent of equal time from the beginning of your case.

Kickout Orders

My state provides protection for battered spouses through a petition for a domestic violence order. If a husband threatens or harms a wife, for example, she can fill out a short petition at the courthouse, appear immediately before a judge, and obtain an order putting the husband out of the house for a few days. The sheriff serves the order that same day and you are given enough time to pack a toothbrush.

The court then sets a full hearing at which both parties can appear and testify as to what really happened. The judge can dismiss the protective order or continue it for up to a year. Divorce lawyers call these “Kickout Orders”.

Domestic violence can never be countenanced, but you can see how Kickout Orders can be
subject to abuse themselves. I’ve had all sorts of cases including grabbing for car keys, computers, mail, letting dogs outside a fenced yard, pouring weed killer on shrubs, bumping noses, muttering under one’s breath, and assorted pushes and shoves.

So be smart. Keep your hands in your pockets. Walk away from the fight. Remember, shout at your spouse, lose your house.

Ghost Dads

Ghost dads are fathers who disappear from the lives of their children following divorce, according to an article by Sarah Hampson. She says that often the loss of daily contact with their children was so painful, they react by staying away. Other fathers blamed the mothers for alienating the children against them.